Weird and Witty Tales of Mystery

By Joseph Lewis French

While you're yearning a superb secret tale, not anything else will do. The items accumulated in bizarre and Witty stories of poser have the additional advantage of a touch of humor, wit, and shrewdpermanent wordplay -- those certainly aren't dry and musty detective stories with no an oz of lifestyles or heat. You'll be giggling whilst you're sinking your enamel into those delightfully confusing tales.


I - may well Day Eve (Algernon Blackwood)
II - The Diamond Lens (Fitz-James O'Brien)
III - The Mummy's Foot (Théophile Gautier)
IV - Mr. Bloke's merchandise (Mark Twain)
V - A Ghost (Lafcadio Hearn)
VI - the guy Who Went Too a long way (E. F. Benson)
VII - Chan Tow the Highrob (Chester Bailey Fernald)
VIII - The Inmost mild (Arthur Machen)
IX - the key of Goresthorpe Grange (A. Conan Doyle)
X - the fellow with the light Eyes (Guy de Maupassant)
XI - The Rival Ghosts (Brander Matthews)

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His identify is Fuey Fong, and he speaks to me therefore: "Missa Gordon, whatta is Chrisinjin Indevil Shoshiety? " I clarify to him as most sensible a journalist might the aim of the Society for Christian Endeavour. "We', dissa morning i am going right down to lailload station. Shee vay many peoples getta on tlain. Assa conductor, 'Whatta is? ' Conductor tole me: 'You cannot move. You a heeffen. Dissa Chrisinjin Indevil Shoshiety. ' "Dissa mek me vay tire. 'Me'ican peoples fink ole China heeffen. Fink doan' find out about Gaw of heffen. Dissa 'Me'icans doan' recognize whatta is. China peoples benieve Olemighty Gaw semma lika you. " Fuey endures in meditation a number of moments. Then he says: "Missa Gordon, I tay you the way approximately Gaw convert China clilimal? " "How God switched over a chinese language felony? " "Yeh. I tay you. Dissa case somma lika dis: "One tem was once China highrob. His nem was once Chan Tow. stay by way of rob on pubnic road evely one he can. Dissa highrob dwell in position name Kan Suh. We', one tem was once merchan', nem Jan Han solar, getta lich in Kan Suh; say hisse'f: 'I getta lich; now mus' cross domestic Tsan Ran Foo, shee my de-ah fadder-mudder-in-'aw an' my de-ah spouse. ' So med ascertain to head domestic nex' day. "Kan Suh to Tsan Ran Foo approximately dousands miles far away, and dissa elements China no lailload, no canal. So dissa trivveler declude to trip in horse-carry-chair. " "What is a horse-carry-chair? " "We', I tay you. Somma lika dis: horse—one befront, one inhine. lengthy stick, and carry-chair in minnle. united states roop somma lika harness. Dissa method trivvle lengthy distance ole ove' China. "We', nex' day Missa Jan commence faw Tsan Ran Foo in horse-carry-chair. Hed great backage of move' an' sivver. Bye-bye—trivvle lengthy tem—was move excessive tree. Up excessive tree was once Chan Tow—dissa highrob—was vay undesirable guy! Chan Tow up tree to observe to stea' whatta he can, semma lika vutture. " "Like a vulture. " "Like a vutture—big bird—eat lifeless beas' ole he can. "Chan Tow glance down on load, and shee horse-carry-chair wif Missa Jan toes stick out. Nen dissa highrob say hisse'f: 'Vay great toes; lich guy. i am going fonnow him. probably can stea' from him. ' So fonnow 'long Missa Jan via day, through evening, severow day—doan' lose sight ole dissa tem. Bye-bye Missa Jan used to be trivvle ole evening, and leach resort early morning. He tole hotel-kipper: 'You giva me loom. I slip ole day. ' Nen tek his backage cross' an' sivver, an' tek to mattress wif him. Chan Tow come 'long; say: 'Giva me loom nex' my de-ah frien' jussa are available in horse-carry-chair. ' Hotelkipper glance him, an' say, 'Whatta your nem is? ' Chan Tow say, 'My nem Chow Ying Hoo. ' Dissa nem, transnate Ingernish, suggest Brev Tiger. " "And what does Chan Tow suggest? " "Oh, Chan Tow suggest ole semma undesirable faminy. "We', dissa highrob slip nex' loom Missa Jan; yet no can high quality how you can rob him ole dissa tem. Getta vay a lot disgussion; yet nex' day he fonnow lengthy inhine dissa lich guy jussa semma befaw. Somma tem devour at semma tabuh wif Jan; yet Jan getta start to suspicious, an' ole tem getta his cross' an' sivver unnerneaf him while he shet right down to tabuh. Chan Tow say hisse'f: 'You fink I doan' know the way to shucshess to stea' yo' cash.

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